he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
