I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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