4 words: hood of his car
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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