I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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