ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
