Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
