it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
