She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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