I must be too annoying 4 u.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
