Dude my mom stole all your condoms
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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