I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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