Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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