oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
