I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
