He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
