you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
