I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
