she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
