you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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