you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
