So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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