I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
