He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
