they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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