just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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