my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
