Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
