She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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