I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
