we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Still dying that you shit outside
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
