Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
