oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
