I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
