i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
