I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Vodka?
Forever.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
