There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
