Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
