How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
