I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
farters have to be the big spoon...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
