You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
