I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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