similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
