You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Randomize
