Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
