my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
