Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
