they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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