So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
