I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
