Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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