My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
