Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
