i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
