Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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