I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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